Thursday, July 15, 2010

Another Setback...


These setbacks are so commonplace, it is the norm.
This week BP was supposed to cap the well again- AND even get 1 of the 2 relief wells online...
Newscasters spread this news like it was a done deal, very confident about stopping the leakage by Friday!!!
YEAH!!!!!

(but then)

"UMMMM..... ERRRRR.........AHHHHH...... Sorry to say it folks, we were maybe overconfident? We need to do more tests before we try it out..."

HOW CAN WE LET THEM KEEP FUDGING AROUND?!?!??! You know, if we juts torpedoed the hole, or gave them a deadline (fix it by X-date or we will torpedo it...)) We could feel good about giving them, like, 100 chances before we scrapped their little malfunctioning business operation...

I don't know about you,
But I'm all for it....

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Post from BoingBoing.net


Photographer Jane Fulton Alt's latest series is called Crude Awakening. She writes on her web site:

Living on the shores of Lake Michigan, I am acutely aware of the disastrous toll the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico has taken on all forms of life, especially as our beaches opened to the 2010 swimming season. This environmental, social and economic catastrophe highlights a much larger problem that has inflicted untold suffering as we exploit the earth's resources worldwide.

We are all responsible for leading lives that create demand for unsustainable energy. We are also all responsible for the solution and we must work together to protect the balance of life.

(... as usual, boingboing is keeping us informed about artists who dare to push, to try and make people think ... thank you!!!)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Gulf Oil Game




http://marketplace.xbox.com/en-US/games/offers/00000001-0000-4000-8000-000058550553?partner=RSS
It was bound to happen, it is only $1, and I think you have to own an X-BOX to get it, but ...

... well....

... it's still disaster capitalism.

I DO LIKE that it features TORPEDOes, however, at least video game developers know 'what's up'...

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Official Google Blog: Mapping the Gulf oil spill in Google Earth

Official Google Blog: Mapping the Gulf oil spill in Google Earth

3 million dollar solution....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_48_torpedo

Guess what dum dums, I can get on the internets and solve your worst problems within the hour.
Hire me Mr. Government human resources man!

(didn't you hire that dude from HOUSE?)

This torp is 'only' 3 mil, but it will do exactly what is required- seal the GULF OIL volcano with -no- nuclear payload.

Of course, being the genius that I am, I insist on a 9 million dollar discretionary budget -

(so I can fire 3 of them if I need to)...


JUST LOOK at the specs on the RIGHTHAND column of this WIkiPEdiA article... This is PUBLIC info? If it is available to me, it MUST BE available to the president and his advisers, you know, those jackass ostriches with their head buried in the ground (maybe the leak will go away if we ignore it?)


Spend the 9 mil.

Torpedo
The
Hole...


Of course I already think you're a collection of idiots (a leak that last 2 moths and you're, all, like, well, we thought BP would solve it... ummmm... errrr....) , but do you really want to run a re-election campaign when EVERYONE thinks you're an idiot collective???

Nope.

Friday, July 2, 2010

WAH GAH, WAH GAH Are You DOWN With The Slickness


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science_and_environment/10492086.stm

Guess what?
The oil is coming to you! This tracker predicts what will happen to the East Coast in the next few months...
Hey politicians- maybe THEN you'll be ready to advocate for Torping-the-Hole, when it's on YOUR DOORSTEP.

Mark my words, if it makes its way to CANADA's shores- THEY'LL torp the hole FOR US.


(and they're pacifists!)

LAUNCH time!!!


The TV blinks to life, a roll of color and sound replace the black screen-

"... And in other news, today the President pulled up his socks, became a man, and LAUNCHED A TORPEDO to seal the oil well in the Gulf.

A grateful nation has already elected him to his second term... 3 years early... Out of sheer gratitude for his forthright, direct solution to one of our world's gravest environmental disasters."



(... and then little Nicholas woke up...)

1866


Robert Whitehead developed the first self-propelled torpedo.
THANKS DUDE!
If we were halfway intelligent, we'd use your invention to seal that oil leak in the gulf.
They are now accurate within 3m... A far cry from the 34% accuracy rate of torpedoes during WWII.
So, yeah, it could take 2-3 torpedoes to collapse the well.

A darn sight cheaper than the veritable fortune we'll spend cleaning it up.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Drop a DUECE




It is divisible by 2... A duece times 24... THE MARK 48- ok dum dums, I did the research for you, I even found the right TORPEDO to do the job- non-nuclear and totally navigable in that oily soup.

HEY HEY, the relief well is almost drilled! It is AHEAD OF SCHEDULE... Uh huh, guess what, it isn't going to work and we'll all be right back here scratching our heads and wondering what went wrong like a collection of morons.
TORPEDO THE HOLE.

Do it.

NOW.

(please?)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Hole Truth


http://www.dallascityhall.com/html/used_motor_oil_text.html

In Texas, citizens cannot 'dump' oil- it is illegal (check out the link). They can face fines and even CRIMINAL PROSECUTION.

But multi-national companies can dump all they want I guess.

Of course, since the Supreme Court decided that -companies are people- earlier this year (in a federal free speech/political campaign contribution case)- maybe they should be criminally prosecuted as well...

The Saddest 4 Minutes You'll See Today...

http://www.wimp.com/beachoil/



And the leak continues.

TORPEDO it!!!!!!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day




And all I want is for that hole to get torpedoed...

Check 'dis out-
http://www.wimp.com/simulatingbarrels/

Friday, June 18, 2010

As Seen From Space...




The Great Wall of China and the BP oil spill- the 2 man-made things that can be seen from space- WAY TO GO US!!!
(...it looks a little bit like a unicorn... do you see it???)

The oil is spreading, the 'cloud' can be seen from space, over a dozen species of wildlife will most likely perish from the face of the earth because of it.

Apart from job losses and economic impact and ecologic damage, there is a psychological impact. There is a societal ramification.

We simply cannot allow businesses to rule the world. They don't care about anything but profits.
People.
The Ocean.
Animals.
None of that means more than the almighty dollar to them.

How can we stand by and let companies run riot, free and un-checked, across out world?

BP shrugs its shoulders and tries to cap it, without damaging it, so they don't lose their investment.
It is their property, their mess, their responsibility... The provincial conventional, wisdom circulating is that since BP is the only company that 'employs' specialized oil spill experts (and the fact that THEY drilled the hole)... Well, they are going to have to be the ones to close it...

But this is a crisis of historical proportions.

The President is the COMMANDER IN CHIEF, theoretically, he could order a sub to target that hole and seal it.

It is simple.

I know we get mired in the complexity of this disaster.

But before we go about the hard-work of sorting it all out-
(how to clean it up, who was ultimately responsible, how to prevent it from happening again, and yes, even alternatives to fossil fuels)-

Let's stop the leak first.


TORPEDO THE HOLE!!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

BP? more like BS....


Here's some more BLAH blah BLAH blah... Words, reasons, excuses, shit...

http://www.salon.com/news/louisiana_oil_spill/index.html?story=/news/feature/2010/06/15/gulf_oil_spill_new_agency_chief

Just fire a damn torpedo and seal that hole already.

Damn...

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Russians Did It...


http://motherjones.com/blue-marble/2010/05/nuke-bomb-oil-spill-cleanup-crazy-russia-gulf-bp

So, this article link here documents how Russia has dealt with this EXACT SAME problem, more than once...
THEY NUKED THE HOLE, slagging it shut...

Did it take them 3 months?

Nope.

SEAL it



It is not a complex plan.
Now, I love me some Kevin Costner, but we gotta SEAL the hole before we focus on sucking up the mess...

Right?
.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Go Rouge



Why won't a military man GO RENEGADE and just 'jack' his sub and torpedo that hole?
What, would he face a court marshal?

Maybe.

Would he get dishonorably discharged?

Maybe.

Would he become an national (and international) HERO!?!?!?

Yes.
.

Poop-edo



I don't know what this means, but it makes me think of how sweet it would be to
.t.o.r.p.e.d.o.
that damn brown leaky hole in the sea.

Hey Pardner...



This says it all.

Wouldn't that nice leaky hole in the bottom of the ocean look better with a swanky old fashioned torpedo in it?

I reckon it would.
.

YO Joe! We Need a HERO!!!



TORPEDO, the aquatic member of the GI JOE team.
He was a real American hero.

Like Poseidon or Namor (marvel comics submariner)- TORPEDO would never let an unchecked oil gusher pollute 'his' ocean. He would have very proprietary feelings about it.
He would drive his GI JOE submarine right into that hole (ejecting at the last second).

W.W.T.D.???

Ask yourself people...
Ask yourself...

Greasy Birds...




Now, I have been known to condone the deep frying of a few avian creatures in my time, sure.
But I simply cannot condone the OIL coating of birds while they are still alive.
It is cruel and barbaric.
(...and don't give me that "ducks have naturally secreted oil all over their feathers" bullshit... it's totally different!!!)

Maybe we should just torpedo the hole?

What do you think?

What do you think that these birds think of that idea???

OILY birds...







Heart breaking images...
Torpedo the damn hole...

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Turtle Power!!!!


WKRG.com News

t-u-r-t-l-e POWER!

Heroes in a half shell.

Heroes in a DEAD shell.

TMNT
Truly More Notorious Tea
(TeXaS tea, that is, black gold...)

Do The DIRT Squirt BOOGIE!!!



Hey fans, yes, I know that there are NO FANS, but it makes me feel good to think that someone is reading this...
Deep in the dirt, the ocean dirt
there started a squirt, an oil squirt
the big mess led to a shirt, a funky-fresh shirt

Get one HERE....
now.

Friday, June 4, 2010

The British Are Coming..... up with ideas.....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/world/us_and_canada/10228666.stm

So, yes, I will admit it- I am not ANTI-BRIT, just anti mega-corps.
The British people have actually came up with some good ideas.
Of course-

TORPEDO THE HOLE is the best idea, ever...

Just listen to the testimony of this dude that I explained my idea to while we were both drinking beer and halfheartedly watching hockey in a sportsbar-

"Yeah, that seems like a pretty good idea."

Need I say more?

Big Punks - Brutal People




http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/world/us_and_canada/10233882.stm

Click on this link- Do WE (as Americans) actually care enough to boycott this company? I know I do. I will drive on fumes to get to a station that is not BP. I will pledge to pay .50 cents more per gallon to avoid BP stations. I will even agree to go without MONSTER energy drinks if the nearest place to get one is a BP station.
STOP STOPPING at BP stations.

TRANSLATE YOUR HATE into something worthwhile.

If you shake your head at the depressing images every night, how can you keep giving this company your money... What are you, as heartless as they are?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Torpedos Belong In Holes



Yes, it is a double-entendre- that is why it works- people can easily say and repeat and pass it on until the right person hears it enough times and pushes that little red LAUNCH button...

Speaking of LAUNCH, I had this for LUNCH.

I torpedo-ed my own hole.

...And it was delicious...

Who Loves Oil???



So, BP is asking for ideas, yet the one that makes the most sense they call 'crazy'... Is it? Is it really more crazy than trying a bunch of dumb stuff that has failed? Is it more crazy than letting this continue for another couple of months?

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/03/times-readers-suggest-fixes-for-oil-spill/

The reason they think it's crazy is because it will work...
But then they'll have to re-drill instead of 'salvage' their already drilled hole.

It's crazy to put their company concerns over the concerns of the coastal communities that are being affected right now.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Spillage of my Brain Begins....

All of this junk about "what to do" in the gulf... Sheesh... Obama is the Commander in Chief- can't he just order the US NAVY to

TORPEDO THE HOLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Close that puppy up.
Seal it with a kiss.
A missile kiss.

This blog will all revolve around this idea and WHY IT IS BRILLIANT!